It’s all about the closeness!!

Long ago, while in college, one of my friends was trying to propose to his love interest and had asked me to stand in a distance so that he could either share his joy or agony soon after he could complete proposing act.  As I waited in a distance, I couldn’t hear him but could surely observe what was going on.  After he came back, even without my friend sharing anything, I told him not to worry he would get a better girl.  No, the girl had not slapped him, in fact she had given him a hand shake while he was heading back and my friend had a grin on his face while approaching me.  Apart from many other reasons, one of the signals I had caught was the distance he had maintained with the girl while he was proposing to her.  While proposing, my friend was stationed close to 5 meters away from the girl, which made it all the more easy for the girl to say no.  Very few would wish to have a social friend as a life partner!

On a traffic signal, when we see a guy and a girl on the bike, we determine the kind of relationship that they might be in even if we don’t know the couple personally.  This is no rocket science.  Consciously or Sub-Consciously, we observe the distance between them and give out the verdict.

Knowing the importance of distance, and consciously using it, will help professionals to build better image in the organizations.  On the contrary, complete ignorance of this might even lead to termination, as getting into the intimate zone, less than 45 Cms from a person can be regarded as sexual advance.  Intimate Zone is mostly reserved for family and close friends and this is mostly not shared with colleagues and in the office environment.  This is also the zone where emotions, feelings and thoughts are communicated instantly.  Ever seen a crazy mob? Ever wondered what makes them all act equally crazy? It is because in a mob which is crowded, people get into each other’s intimate zones comfortably or otherwise and with words not being heard, body language and noise dictates the mood of the entire crowd.

Effective sales people, who are in a quest to convince the other person, after some sweet talks comfortably get in the personal space of a person, which is anywhere between 45Cms to 1.2Mts of a person.  However, for a person from a non metro, this space is also a part of his intimate zone.  A girl from a city where the density population would be low will never be comfortable with a man getting into this zone as well for all such people and in a professional environment it’s safest to operate out of the no-offence space, which is also called the social space, which is between 1.2Mts to 3.5Mts.  Each time after we shake hand with a person, we tend to go back to this space to feel comfortable. 

In all the zone mentioned above, the communication will be easier as the voice reaches out easily and with physical proximity, body language works the best.  However, a good public speaker would be one who will use his body language effectively even if the people receiving the communication are beyond 3.5Mts.  This zone is rightly called as audience space and as is the common knowledge, holding the attention of the audience requires a special skill.

So next time when you go on a date, ensure you get into the intimate zone of the other person and observe the body language, if the other person doesn’t fold arms or give any other negative signals, you would know the battle is half won!!

Politics of Body Language

Communication experts perpetually shout on the importance of body language in communication.  It has been a clichéd statistics that body language adds up to 55% of communication and rest is contributed by tone and words at 38% and 7% respectively.  However, except for some specialists, very few people are conscious on how body language communicates the uncommunicated.

In the era of scams, can we spend some time on looking at the body language of all the scamsters and people protecting them to find what is said when they don’t want to say nothing at all??

Be it Raja of the spectrum or the scientists of ISRO or our Prime Minister or for that matter even the journalists reveal more than they speak only if we listen with our eyes open.  But the question again is do we have the eye for detail to decipher the cluster of gestures that they carry in the media or otherwise? When brought up this point, most of the people argue that it doesn’t matter! Everyone lies on the media and we are as helpless as the law itself, that we can’t do anything about it even if we decode every lie that is being spoken.  The point here is not what we will do with the truth, but do we actually know the truth and if the body language confirms the truth that we already know can this be used more effectively by the investigation teams and the courts? 

Let me share with you, few observations that we could make of the speakers in few of the press releases in recent times.  The most eloquent in conveying their message through body language not and so much with words were the scientists of ISRO on their press release. Rubbing their forehead while answering tough questions from one of the TV channels which apparently claims to be the only channel to have access to the contract papers which was signed between Antrix and Devas Multimedia and each time the editor of the news channel mentions this point directly looks into the camera and proudly opens his chest while holding the papers pointing north, which otherwise would be either lying on his desk or usually covers his well pressed coat.

Secondly, despite all the academic excellence and unquestionable career record our Prime Minister, Dr. Manmohan Singh, unlike most of the other politicians who are quite prudent in lying on screen, gives away clues and gets more submissive each time he communicates some things which are just shot from his shoulders.  Goes without saying Dr. Manmohan Singh, is surely not comfortable with media or with any mass presentations, and he gets submissive every time he is pushed on the stage or in front of the cameras, and it was no different on the editor’s meet he held on 16^th of Feb 2011.  While answering the question on A Raja, the prime minister was very candid and showed it in his body language, when he actually spoke about the compulsion he faced because of coalition and contrary to this got defensive while answering questions related to S Band scan of ISRO.  Was he defensive because he was trying to hide something or was it because PMO is involved in this scam and Dr. Manmohan Singh can’t be as honest on this issue? That the time will tell but for a keen observer, it is clear that there is more to this story than what is just presented.